Convicted.

We always try to fly away. To spread 'wings', an ideal that every man and women possess. We dream of a future where there are no more limits. But there are many of them indeed and sadly, their origin is usually our own hearts. Comfort, we revel in them. Being caressed by soft emotions and security. The look on his eyes. The monthly wages. The feeling of our skin in bed, covered and sheltered by soft linens and the freedom of time. Where we let go, but not completely as we sleep by imagining tomorrow and wake by regretting yesterday.

There I was, hoping and wandering foolishly in an illusion of a world that had more comfort. More love and realising the reality was a luxurious torture. I breathe to sleep at night and I sleep to breathe for a desired tomorrow. That so far had no progress. Because I am still here, under these walls and bricks. Tucked between the sheets and anxieties.

As time sing to me a lullaby, to drift me further into mortality. Until I wake at 9.30 PM, aged 60 and regretting my life by the foot of the bed. All alone with sad, abandoned dreams.

A rusting charm

Morning.

So today is another bright morning.... last night was a night where I couldn't sleep, a night where the more I close my eyes the stronger the jabbing sight gleams in my mind.

He was a guy that I really liked but there are many tines where I would just stop looking and stare somewhere else.

But I wouldn't worry because I know this heart would run back to his face but.........

My heart is like a untagged falcon flying away from where it belongs sometimes staying somewhere else for the sake of difference.

But differences are dangerous.

Because it may make this falcon trapped and stay. And last night I was trapped.
It was a very good looking trap.

Something entirely new. Red blazing hair and pale skin, those piercing eyes that shines even brighter when seen closer and that scary smirk.

Perfectly alluring and enticing. Just by one sight I was wavered. That warm but inevitably deep voice felt like thunder banging throughout my senses. He was indeed atomic. So just like that he stuck through my mind all night.

And wanting to sleep with only one person in mind I was struggling. That person was not who I want it to be.

Parading my mind with traces that I made myself I stayed awake for quite a moment.
So I opened my purse took out a damaged charm and held it all night long. I slept. I don't remember what I dreamed but I'm sure it was something good.

This charm is like a spell that unfolds in my mind each night, summoning the one person I wished to see every passing moment.

So I slept hoping that magic would maybe happen one more time.

It didn't. But still I had a good sleep. Just as deep so when I wake all I amleft with is blurred visions that I rather not translate.

Let it be hazy because this dangerous mind of mine is a trap itself and I wouldn't want to be intwined in my own thoughts.

Because a thought is like a viral plague,  once you  plant it in your mind it grows and never dies. You are left with choices of ignoring it or succumb to what it demands.

Good or bad.